A Guide to a Good Walk
by penultimatedishonesty (yes, it's supposed to have a y on the end.  Damn word limit. . .)

(What the) Surgeon General's Warning (would be had he (or they?) read this) : Caution: Should you take the advice offered in this guide, it is quite likely that someone will call the police on you and get you put in jail.  I know I would. . . also there are risks of malaria, tuberculosis, prostate cancer, blisters, blindness, and if none of that kills you, death.

The Guide:
Step One: Starting the Walk
To start the walk, first put on some clothes, assuming you don't already have any on.  If you do have clothes on, you can probably add more if you please, but you may very well get hot during the walk that is soon to follow.  After clothing oneself, you should proceed to putting on shoes.  This step is not entirely necessary, if one should prefer to walk barefoot, or with socks on, or with both shoes and socks on, or otherwise pedally garbed.
Grabbing some sort of snack is also an option, as well as any accessories you might want to have, but these can weigh you down in the journey to come, and if you want to walk for the purity of walking, it is best to leave these things behind (except for maybe an apple.  Apples are good for walking, in some cases.  However, after you get the apple down to the core and want to throw it or kick it in some fashion to dispose of it in an interesting manner, it probably won't work out. . . doesn't for me, anyway.  Accursed apples).
Having gotten all of the necessary items for the walk, you may now walk out the door.  Place your hand firmly about the doorknob (or handle, as the situation may dictate) and turn it until the switch retracts and you can push (or pull) the door open.  Step outside, and close the door.  Make sure that it is latched, so that no pets or small children can enter or exit.  Now on to Step 2.

Step 2: The Way There
Once you are on your porch, or stoop, or lawn, or sidewalk, etc. you can officially start your walk.  The beginning of the walk is a sort of warm-up, so you can spend this time practicing an effective walking procedure.  First off, you should pick a walking style.  There are many different types of walks, and even if you choose one, you can change it at any time you please (ex. at first, I was walking by straightening my one leg completely every step and falling back down with the other foot, almost like a lanky, heavy tip-toe, but I walked normally afterward).  Once you have picked a proper style of walking (advisably simple yet fun) you can head down the road in your chosen direction.
During this time, doing something that will make you laugh abundantly and drive you into a state of giddiness is good fun, and will make being stupid on the rest of the walk very easy.  (Ex. I squeaked in a high pitch tone quite a lot, which made me laugh far more than it should have).  Though this state of being can also be achieved by drug use and excessive alcohol (both, not just one.  I mean really giddy here), this way is much cheaper, and healthier (I think) in the long run.
Throughout your squeaking (or whatever you may choose) and style of walking, it's a good idea to try a variety of fun, interesting things, mostly depending on your surroundings.  Some general things are: random spinning, bopping stuff around you (sometimes declaring that you've found a secret button, if you like), singing random songs about things you pass (I sang about spanish moss) or another tune you know, doing odd things at the people that pass, sometimes falling down for no particular reason, jumping around on benches and steps and raised parts of the sidewalk, hiding from people as they go by, laughing for no reason, etc.  There are many, many options you can choose from, mostly relying on where you are.  Be creative, and enjoy to your fullest this part of your walk.

Step 3: The Destination and the Way Back
Beforehand, you might want to plan a destination, so that you can determine where you're going and how much time you should spend being stupid there and back.  It's not necessary, and it shouldn't even be a destination as much as a turning point in your walk if you want to have one.  Once you reach this destination, you can perhaps look for some item of interest that might keep you mildly entertained on your journey homeward. (Ex. I found a piece of bamboo and proceeded to whack myself very hard in the leg with it.  It hurt very much, and it was great fun.).
On the way back, try to rely less on a style of walk and consistent oddity, and be more random.  Depend more on the things around you.  Now that you're in the mood, attempt being a little more creative.  It's a good idea to talk to yourself quite a bit, make up little short games as you go along, skip and hop, speak with inanimate objects, walk backwards, get the feeling someone is following you and pretend to get out guns and then turn around and get the crap scared out of you by a freaking bush that's sitting right there. . . ahem.  Hang off of branches and touch bushes and scream and cars and jump up on stuff that you're not entirely sure you can make it up onto, be sure to talk to yourself a whole lot cuz it's a lot of fun and laugh at yourself a lot, cuz I want to know that I'm not the only maniac doing this nonsense for Christ's sake. . . if there is a dog, pet it and talk to it for a while.  Same with other animals, except for monkeys because they stink and are stupid.  Imagine to see things that may not necessarily be there.  BE ABSOLUTELY SURE TO TALK TO YOURSELF A WHOLE LOT.  That is very important.  It's virtually the best part about this walk.  And when you reach home, stay ultra hyper for about twenty minutes and write some long-ass guide to having a good, fun walk.

Ze end.  Now start walking.